Coming to terms with "God our Father"

God our Father. Growing up in church this was one of the most highlighted descriptions of God I heard. God is our heavenly father. The adults always said this with such awe and reverence. I never knew what to do with that one. Father was not a warm term with me, yet this was supposed to be one of the most loving, defining and endearing characterizations of God. A father to me was someone who yelled, belittled, controlled, drank heavily, threatened, tore down and caused us to live in fear. He stripped me of any self confidence and self esteem I may have had. He left me feeling insecure and hopeless. Because of his lack of desire to provide for us, we constantly worried about how we would buy food, clothes and basic life needs. This was my reality of the character of a father.

Looking back, I understand why this characterization of God was unsettling and confusing. With my frame of reference of who a father was, how could I possibly as a child see "God our Father" as an affirming and wonderful thing? I think as churches try to teach children about God their father they sometimes forget that a child's concept of a father is based on a less than perfect human father-some much less perfect than others.

Anyhow, fast forward a decade or two; I think I understand now. God has given me a husband who is an amazing father and suddenly God my father is more real to me. The love Neil has for Elizabeth is beyond anything I have ever seen. I did not know fathers could be like this. He is her protector and provider. He lives for spending time with her. He loves her with abandon and would lay down his life for her. Although he does not like to, he disciplines her for her own safety, but sometimes he lets her learn the hard way. He wants to train her heart to love others more than herself and be thankful for all she has. He wants her someday to be a strong, self assured woman who has a strong moral compass, a huge, tender heart, great integrity and much God given wisdom. It makes him sad to see her struggle or cry. It also makes him sad to see her take her blessings for granted and turn into the selfish 5 year old she is (show me a 5 year old that isn't). Most of all, she is his great pride, joy and love.

As I have watched this, I realize that is what those Sunday School teachers were trying to tell me all those years. How Neil feels about Elizabeth is how God feels about me, but in a greater way. He loves me with abandon, has given me so much, disciplined me many a time, and really wants the best for me. He is my provider and protector. Daily I am that 5 year old who is selfish and ungrateful, and while this "hurts His heart" (as Elizabeth would say), God still loves me, wants the best for me and is there for me. I think I understand now.

Janet